Whole Lotta Album Covers

Dwarves - Blood, Guts and Pussy

2010-02-09T15:31:00.003-05:00

This past Sunday during the Super Bowl, we were treated to Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley in the huckstering trade yet again, this time strapping on the duds and kabuki for Cherry Dr. Pepper. Annoying enough, yet it was the "Little Kiss" gag utilized in the commercial where dwarf versions of all four players in matching costumes which I found a bit more vulgar. Some thought the ad was amusing. I personally thought it was just another step down in a recent wave of low maneuvers the remnants of Kiss have exercised to keep the coffers full.

Thus, let this album cover serve as my tribute to such baldfaced make-a-buckery. Punk rock nasties the Dwarves notoriously combine nudity, gore, mud and yes, an actual dwarf mascot on their covers. What else might you expect from a band with song titles such as "Fuckhead," "Motherfucker," "Insect Whore" and "Let's Fuck?"

All an in-joke, assuredly, much as rock 'n roll capitalists Kiss are being defended by some to just get a life and roll with the punchlines, no matter who they offend in the process. As the Dwarves would say, fuck that...

With these blood-slicked chicks, even Gene, the king of blood squibs, might want to reconsider a love gun tryst in this instance. Meet, meet you in the laaadiiiiies rooooommmmm....

Fear-The Record

2010-01-31T04:09:00.001-05:00

This is about as basic as an album cover can be and still have something on it, but somehow it works for this album. It ties in with the raw up front sound that Fear delivered on this album.

Invection-Demented Perception

2010-01-24T14:18:00.000-05:00

I have always liked mazes for some reason so I kind of like that part of this cover. I don't get the part where the big ugly faces are either coming up or going down in some of the rooms of the maze in the background though.

Dio-Rainbow in the dark

2010-01-18T04:12:00.000-05:00

Early Dio rocked, "Rainbow in the dark" is a great song and Dio's mascot Murray is normally pretty cool. However the color scheme on this single is just far too bright to work. It' like poor Murray is trapped in a swirl of eye-stabbing colors and he just cannot escape.

Candlemass-Death, magic, doom

2010-01-17T08:57:00.000-05:00

It kind of looks like a scribbled drawing and it's very basic. Still there is something about writing and the background that helps it work.

Dream Death-Journey into mystery

2010-01-10T04:03:00.000-05:00

I used to have this 1987 release on cassette at one point. Like many other tapes it wore out from being played over and over so I eventually picked it up on CD. Of course it sounds better on CD and I actually like the music more now than I did back then. It's kind of mid-paced doom influenced by the likes of Celtic Frost and Candlemass. However a CD means a larger cover and the badness of the cover came to my attention even more. I like the melting band logo, but other than that the cover is full of messy images, sloppy angles and a certain incomplete feel to the whole picture.

Dawnrider-Two

2010-01-02T15:17:00.003-05:00

Skulls on album cover are a dime a dozen even today, but this varition on that idea looks pretty good to my eyes.

Post Mortem-Message from the dead

2009-12-27T13:50:00.000-05:00

Ah... a perfect day. The sun is shining, the family is spending time together and the mail is being delivered by the walking dead. Brilliant cover actually.

Christmas Disco Party

2009-12-21T04:22:00.000-05:00

Nothing says Christmas like dancing under a big shiny disco ball. Well, maybe if it was like 1977. I guess it was inevitable that this fad and the holiday would come together on vinyl.

Worst and Best Album Covers of 2009

2009-12-18T19:23:00.002-05:00

Worst: Neil Young may be a rock icon. He may have had a few classic songs over the years. But he' ain't no looker. So why would he put not only his face, but a warped image of same, on the cover of Fork in the Road?

Best: One of my favorite albums of the year for its music, Mastodon's Crack the Skye, is my choice for best album cover. The quasi-Russian icongraphy mirrors the album's content, and the bright colors add to an already impressive catalog of Mastodon covers.

Best and worst of 2009

2009-12-15T13:14:00.003-05:00

I was supposed to post mine today, but I couldn't think of a best cover and frankly, I'm not motivated enough to come up with something. My mood has been generally negative lately anyway, so perhaps it's fitting that I only pick the worst anyway. That honor goes easily to Chad Smith's Bombastic Meatbats and their Meet the Meatbats album. It might even be the worst cover of the decade. I can't think of anything redeeming about it. Is that one guy supposed to be a wrench? Well, that's just stupid. The guy made of bubbles isn't any more clever. Just because a little girl dressed as a bee worked for Blind Melon 15 years ago, doesn't mean it'll work for a cartoon guitarist as well. The caricature of Chad Smith is completely lame, to be sure, but still an awful lot better than his just plain dumb looking bandmates. If you're interested in the music, see if you can find it on half.com or Ebay or in the budget bin without the artwork. It'll save your eyes the pain of looking at crap.

2009 Best and Worst Album Covers - Ray Van Horn, Jr.

2009-12-14T07:04:00.005-05:00

Like Metal Mark, I'll get the peeyoosah cover out of the way first and pin the award to Foreigner's Can't Slow Down. Despite the fact Agent Provocateur remains the band's best-selling album, reverting back to an abstract "F" logo isn't going to replicate the predecessor's success.

I mainly pushed play on the album out of loyalty to Jeff Pilson and the album isn't rotten, but it's not a heat-seeker, either, despite going the Wal Mart uber-packaging route like Journey and Kiss with a three-disc bonanza including an album of modernized redos and a live DVD. If you're talking the inner contents, then assuming you're willing to have the wool pulled over your eyes a bit, have a go.

This uninviting cover where the "F" is just one striking slash away between the red circle almost subversively hints avoid at all costs. Yes, you can see the open brackets within the circle which is Foreigner's way of saying they're not letting the notorious "buster" logo stamp them down, but it's a bit naive and good marketing only as announcement to their diehards they haven't yet left the scene. Of course, Foreigner is historically not well-known for investing much time in their art work, save for the devious Head Games and the pop art glee of 4.

I know half of you readers are going to be thinking about Ace Frehley's Anomaly as my choice for best album cover, what? Why? How? Is he insane? Did he blow his laser-healed eyes out to pieces looking at too much Dali? Well, perhaps, but there's two reasons I've giving the Spaceman his due with this album.

One, I absolutely love Ace's balls by making the chin drip cutting through the seventies and early eighties-toned celestial twinkle scape deliberately reminiscent of his Kiss persona. Given that Frehley's character in his old band is being adorned by someone else lately, Anomaly throws down a subtle "fuck you" snarl at Kiss (who of course released their own new product in the same year Ace makes his solo return after two decades), just like the song "Outer Space" on this album. It's like he told you, he came from outer space...

The other dimension to Anomaly's award for best cover of 2009 is well obvious if you own a genuine hard copy instead of lazing through a download. When's the last time you saw a CD cover unfold to be able to make a 3-D cardboard tower? The fact any album release these days gives you the chance to play with it deserves a nice honor.

My favorite and least favorite album covers of 2009

2009-12-13T01:14:00.003-05:00

I'll get the worst out of the way first.

UDO-Dominator

It's like a sixth grader tried to draw the Terminator on the cover of their notebook and they failed badly. Nothing wrong with that if you are sixth grader, but there is something wrong with putting this on your album cover.

The best...

Wolfmother-Cosmic Egg

Easy choice. Beautiful cover that combines a fantastic object with a brilliant landscape. The pictures in the booklet are all equally wonderful.

Theme week coming soon

2009-12-09T13:49:00.000-05:00

Next week we will posting our favorite and least favorite album covers of 2009. Drop by and check them out!

Axxis-Utopia

2009-12-06T03:50:00.000-05:00

This cover is well-drawn, but maybe a little too busy. The sea serpent has me thinking of Asia's debut. Then we have a bubble city, lightning and I am not sure they really needed people riding the sea serpent. It's like the artist had all these ideas and instead of concentrating on one concept they elected throw everything into one cover.

Metal Massacre

2009-11-29T03:00:00.000-05:00

Here is the first of Metal Blade's long running Metal Massacre compilation series. This one featured Metallica, Ratt, Cirith Ungol, Malice and others. As for covers many of the later releases would have drawings of the grim reaperthat varied from decent down to horrible. This cover is basic and perhaps nothing special, but I always spend a few second looking at everytime it crosses my path.

Judas Priest, Sin After Sin

2009-11-23T06:43:00.004-05:00

Still early in the career of Judas Priest, Sin After Sin retained much of the raw dramatic power of Sad Wings of Destiny while previewing the more polished sounds of subsequent albums. The latter probably came as much from producer Roger Glover (of Deep Purple fame) as from the band itself.

The cover has the perfect dark, Gothic feel. The stone temple, the eerie sky, even the lettering used for the band's name contribute to the theme.

One thing, however, doesn't quite fit: the white female figure at the base of the temple. It's hard to tell if she's emoting--perhaps feeling sad about sitting alone on the stone (not to mention having no face)--or if she's a swimsuit pinup girl waiting to be exploited.

Whatever it is she is meant for, it presents an unfortunate distraction. The blank figure adds no value to the theme; by whiting out her face and body, the band even reduces the sex value to nearly zero.

Iron Maiden-Twilight Zone

2009-11-22T16:39:00.001-05:00

The huge majority of Iron Maiden's album covers have been some of the best metal album covers of all time. That includes singles as well as LPs. Sometimes on the singles artists Derek Riggs would take more chances and try out some different concepts. For Twilight Zone we see Eddie only as a ghost in the mirror. More subtle than covers like Killers and The number of the beast, but just as effective for sure.

Anthrax-Fistful of metal

2009-11-15T02:27:00.000-05:00

The cover of Anthrax's debut was short on subtley for sure. They went for on an in your face approach on this one. I find myself staring at it even today, but it's more tacky than anything I guess. At least the band logo is cool.

Horror surf

2009-10-25T02:29:00.003-05:00

It's the week of Halloween so I decided to toss out so 1990's horror/retro-surf/surf-punk covers for your enjoyment.

Halloween Hootenanny

2009-10-18T01:55:00.000-05:00

I have never heard this compilation, but I am sure it's good. Classic monsters and music would have to be a wonderful combination plus the album title is fantastic.

Destruction - Inventor of Evil

2009-10-12T22:54:00.002-05:00

Happy Halloween, everyone!

Thrash metal legends Destruction from time-to-time come up with some pretty wicked album covers. Some are just plain weird, i.e. Cracked Brain and even their classic Release From Agony. Their kinda-sorta mascot is The Mad Butcher, who debuted on the cover of the band's EP of the same name.

Inventor of Evil, Destruction's return to form album from 2005, resurrected not only main man Schmeir's presence in the scene, but also his Mad Butcher playmate. This cover, though not as mischievously devious in the old EC Comics' style as the Mad Butcher EP cover, is more ripe with the sanguinary times of today.

This one heralds a splatter-lovin' level of sadism ala the Hostel flicks, which delivers more of a shock than before. Personally, I prefer the original Mad Butcher artwork, but this one's more appropriate in conveying the bloody antics of the eager cleaver beaver, who this time carries out what's largely suggested by the original source material.

Witchkiller-Day of the saxons

2009-10-04T13:47:00.002-05:00

It's October which means I am in the mood to put some semi-horror related covers up here. Canada's Witchkiller knocked out just one release. It was this EP from 1984 and it's actually pretty good. I guess they were getting ready for this cover photoshoot and someone said "hey, nothing says metal like cheap rubber Halloween masks so lets toss some in the picture". The rest is history.

Rush, 2112

2009-09-27T12:18:00.003-05:00

Rush’s 2112 is progressive metal at its best.

And the understated album art only enhances the music; its simplicity contrasts nicely with the musical complexity within.

The front cover has the evil red star, which came to symbolize collectivist oppression. The back cover features the iconic “starman” (who would appear with Rush for decades, always striving for the rights of the individual) pushing against the star.

A classic cover for a classic album.

Kane Roberts-s/t

2009-09-22T13:23:00.001-05:00

Guitarist Kane Roberts briefly played with Alice Cooper in the 1980's. He played on the very average "Constrictor" and the quite good "Raise your fist and yell". He also did a few solo albums. This one was done in 1987 while he was still playing with Alice. He used that machine gun guitar on stage with Alice. Despite how silly it looks he could actually play when he wanted to. Unfortunately his better material was with Mr. Cooper and this album consisted of stuff he wrote over a three year period. In case you were wondering this cover is better than the music on the album so that should tell you something.